AUDITIONING FOR THE WRONG ROLES

Let me tell you a story, sweet, strange internet friends.

Today is a Thursday. The sky is a one man show that involves multiple characters. It has a costume change every five minutes. I am watching as it lightens, darkens, fills, empties. It cannot stay the same, it must change, must fill its space. I am beginning to relate.

Today, the sky and I are learning which roles we don’t need to audition for.

Lately, in the cinemas of life, I've been auditioning for big sparkly roles. For the characters that only leave the stage once for an outfit change, the ones that make the covers of magazines and billboards, that sign the autographs and take the pictures.

And then I sit back and wonder why I’m feeling inadequate, why I’m feeling small and timid and wrong. I wonder why I’m not getting cast for big and shiny. And then it hits me - I’m not getting cast for big and shiny, because right now, I am small and fragile.

Most days I am cast as the character that is small and shy, honest and trying. The one that is damaged and dented, inside out socks and stained jeans. Most days I am playing the character that almost cries, but manages to smile. The one that has kind eyes and shaky hands. The character that is figuring it out, and may not have the answer before the show is over.

But I would rather play my role well and be last in the credits, than lose myself to be the first face in the previews.