Here is something that I have come to know-
This is Gods show, and I'm just the opener. And for being the opener, I pay way too much attention to what other people think about what I'm doing, about what I'm wearing, who I'm hanging out with, who I'm googly eyed over, what I've done wrong, what I've occasionally done right. I've always been really good at scanning the crowd at the show of my life and worrying about who didn't show up, or who did, and everything in between.
I get so focused on who's in the crowd that I forget who's on stage with me. The reason I'm even up on the stage to begin with.
Guys, this is my honest and real diary version of my thoughts- I'm checking my heart and I'm requesting it to dim the spotlight on me and put flashing lights over the presence of God in my life, in my show. I could put on the best show people have ever seen but they wouldn't leave feeling like they're more alive if God wasn't there.
God knows I'm fragile, so He built me this bulky armor in the form of words. And then he breathed over the hands on the clock of my life and said, "Wait. This is going to be good."
He was right. As always. And now I know that time is Gods greatest vessel for truth, for saying "told you so". He uses the in betweens, the rock bottoms as a platform for his big ideas to dance on. He gets up on our stage and he says "I got this. But you come with."
I want to be dancing with Him. I do not want my life to be a stale representation of His grace. I don't want to build Him a platform and go sit down while He dances on it. I want to be up there with Him and rock out on air guitars.
I don't care how many people come to our show- but whoever does show up, I want to make them feel something. I want them to walk out of my life with this feeling that they just heard the best news and they know it wasn't about any of us. I don't care how many people are looking at me, listening to me or thinking about what I'm doing- As long as God's up on stage, it'll be a front page of the newspaper worthy show.