THE FAN THAT GAVE AWAY THEIR FOAM FINGER

You were the first person who sat with me in my own rain, when I couldn't even find shelter in my own skin

the first person to hold up a foam finger when I got out of bed in the morning

or stayed in public without shaking 

You understood the earthquake in my voice, 

the burn marks of my past without having to say a word. 

You were the only person who bookmarked my failures,

clapped for the parts of me I never thought needed cheering.

I was always free falling, fumbling for flat ground

Until I found a safe place to land

You were my safe place.

And now I am wandering empty streets, the streets that we paved together.

Roads that were lit by street lights not so long ago are pitch black

and silent

my heart beats so loudly I think it wants to jump out of my chest,

find a new home, one with less trauma.

Maybe I will just keep walking until I can hold the stars in my hands

like you once held me.