RIGHT NOW IT'S ENOUGH

You always used to tell me that you learn the most about a persons character when they’re faced with adversity

And so here I am tonight, laying in an ocean of my own numb skin, still falling, spinning, shaking.

Trapped in a parallel universe where nothing I touch feels real. Each corner of existence unfamiliar and cold.

But here’s the most amazing miracle, my heart is still beating. 

I haven’t cried yet today. I’m learning to count the little victories. It helps to remind my body that it still has reasons to be proud of me,

for breathing and for just being.

My journal is thankful that I’m filling it again, even if most of the words aren’t pretty. 

God knows no one knows how to be pretty in a time like this. Especially not me.

I’ve been looking up at the sky and seeing it differently, like the stars are reaching for me, instead of me for them-

trickling down, dancing in my hair, wrapping me up in light

A blanket of night tangling me in a glow I can’t pinpoint.

It makes me feel so much less alone. So small. 

And there is something so necessary about feeling small- knowing that there’s a whole world out there, and there are so many hearts that ache like yours. 

Your pain is never just your own.

Each new morning I am fighting against my own skin, trying to get back to how it used to feel against my pain soaked bones. 

It is a battle I wish upon no fragile spirit, no strong one either.

But yet, each new morning the sun kisses my cheeks through the window pane and i’m reminded that there’s still light, somewhere, even if right now it is not in me.

And I think, right now, that is enough.