LETTER TO A BOY WITH SPEARMINT GUM & A HAMMER

A letter to a boy with spearmint gum and a hammer

The thing was,

I didn’t even know I needed saving until I stepped on your superman cape

covered in underdressed charm and wit soaked speech 

It was like you knew my darkness better than I knew my own skin

pegged my poetry from first glance

As something that wasn’t just a hobby

It’s no coincidence that fireworks have so much to do with our past

exploding

Your crooked smile poured insulin into the illness of my veins

And I started to feel real, for once

Real; ie,

not alone

You drove me crazy with your incessant need for laughter 

It was a good crazy

Finally happy crazy

falling together crazy

I was an abandoned, boarded up house that you never stopped revisiting

seeing potential

Hammer in hand, you never once tried to mend me

Turn me into something I’m not

Instead,

Tapped lightly at my walls

poured shine into cracks

And taught them how to glow

Arranged my freckles to match your happiness

And I fell

into the happiest parts of you

I’m not sure you ever found me there, because you left

and I was scared, alone in your bliss

This abyss I hadn’t known until you

My sheets were foreign against my skin

and the moon didn’t know how to arrange my freckles

or tap against my walls when sadness refused to answer the door

So I drifted away

until not even the moon knew how to love me

I wish I could  have told you that

You were the only one to make me

erratically in love 

with life

heartbeats

good songs

you