I'm curious what your advice would be to your single college aged self. Idk if you were single then...
But I am. I have been in love twice. The last one, very unhealthy but at the point of engagement. Thankfully, he cheated (as I always suspected). I say thankfully because it God lovingly grabbing my shoulders and shaking me out of the trance I was in.
I am safe now. However, like you.... I am an anxious artist. I have so much inside that seems impossible to get out. My biggest dream is to be a mom and a wife.
Not for validation or because I think that's what it takes to be happy. I overcame that lie years ago. But it is a pure desire... and I live a bit in fear God won't let me find something that is what "I want". Because, will I ever be secure enough in my identity as a daughter of a King and able to trust Him enough where I can handle a family, let alone a boyfriend.
That was a rant. But what are your words of advice to me... someone who has these fears. Someone who has been cheated on and is dealing with the repercussions of being single and feeling unlovable. But also someone who desires and is on the path to being confident purely in who she is.
Sorry that was extremely vague and there wasn't really a specific questions. But what is God putting on your mind as you read this message???
p.s. I have a blog as well if you're curious :) banannaprints.com
Sweet Anna Mae,
Girl, you are WISE. I completely get that feeling of ‘being in a trance’ in a relationship. Sometimes it’s just so so hard to see outside of the bubble of the moment we’re in, and into the bigger picture of things. I suppose that’s why we need God so dang bad. He sees it all when we can’t see any of it, and then He lovingly guides our confused little human feet. I’m so glad He guided you to where you are. Even though it feels confusing and painful, I think where you’re at is a really beautiful place.
For most of college I was in a relationship, we were best buds, and pretty much inseparable. Then the summer right before senior year, he broke up with me, out of nowhere. And suddenly the perfect life I thought I had was ripped right out from under me, and I was faced with the really ugly realization that none of it was perfect at all. The following months were a whole lot of rebuild, and a whole lot of reintroducing me to myself. Looking back, I wouldn’t trade that season for the world, as a result of it, I got to grow and expand in ways I never would have had I stayed in that relationship!
From where I stand now, I can confidently say that the season of singleness following that breakup was the most confusing, but the most fruitful. Which is where I think you’re at, my girl. I think that in this season you’re in, God is wanting to show you things about yourself that you’ve never seen and carry you into moments and encounters that will reveal to you that where He has you right now is EXACTLY where He wants you. Something that I’ve come to know about God is that He cares a ton about the things we care about. God knows how much you want to be a mama and have a family - and I can just picture how giddy He is knowing the plans He has for you.
I hope this lent any sort of help to you or that at the very least, made you feel like you’re not alone. I am for you!