Super cool thing. So I got introduced to you insta-page a few months ago by a friend i.e. I was on her phone randomly doing the insta-story stalk (is it called stalking, if it's out there for you to see? - I think either way: I have no shame haha.).
Long story short: your openness and words really really resonated with me (like really).
This year has been extremely strange for me. I've been following Jesus for most of my life, but this year (being my third year in university), I finally stepped out and joined a church, started doing missions: And I can't explain it, but my heart was lit on fire. The Lord rid me of a lot of confusion and changed my heart in ways that i know I couldn't have changed by forcing a "positive attitude". I saw so much promise in my church, and I finally felt like I was realising who God had created me to be, and walking in that.
Fast-forward a few months I had found myself in a situation where I was under a lot of pressure at university (I thought i was going to fail -ahh it was tough), but I'm a person who has really high expectations of myself. And for that time I completely neglected all of my humanly needs, and just studied.
Spoiler alert: It did not turn out well.
I had all these hectic emotions and no idea how to process them, and my mental health spiraled, but most importantly I had lost sight of Jesus.
I couldn't understand how we are promised joy and peace, and yet there were none of these things where I was at. I was praying and declaring and worshiping, and still they were yet to be found. For most of this year I would say that I have been dealing with anxiety and depression, and it has kind of reached the point where I had no idea who I was, and I for reals did not know if God was even real anymore.
I still don't know who I am at this stage, but I've tried for really long now, to discover that I am seriously just a really ugly-kind-of-dysfunctional without God, and I actually do not think I will survive without Him.
Right now I guess I just need advice on how you've turned back to Jesus after letting doubt, and mental health override your belief; how to do mental health with Jesus: and a really important one for me: How to be authentic with struggles without being a victim to them.
Especially authenticity with struggles with mental in the church; and how to try dignify the struggles.
I feel like I've almost lost everything: my friends, family, potential church relationships, myself, and I don't really know how to live again.
But I know it's only possible with God, and that I want to.
Wowzer congratulations to you if you read this Kath. And thank you.
All the best things