BREAKUPS

Dear Kath,

I know you have already answered many questions for those that have been broken by past relationships, but I have thought of writing to you for over a week now and wanted to reach out. I am currently working through the loss of a 4-year relationship from high school into college. We pretty much grew up together and were best friends. His golden words for the breakup were ‘you deserve better’, and I have picked apart the conversation we had over the breakup and have mulled over it. And now, I have heard that he is cultivating a subtle romantic-friendship only after a few months of him leaving me. It makes me question if there is something wrong with me or if she has something that I don’t, but she is also known for ‘talking’ to a lot of boys. I have bitterness getting in the way and am having trouble owning my happiness. Is there anything I can do? Any words to change my perspective on this? Thank you.

Signed,

Bitter Sweet

Hi friend,

I’m glad you did write! It doesn’t matter how many people have written in about broken hearts, because each one is so so entirely different. First, I want to say, I’m sorry. I know it hurts. I know it’s so confusing. I know that you don’t know which way is up and which way is down right now. It’s easy for people to say, “You’re better off!” “You’re going to find someone way better!” “This is how it’ supposed to be!” But those aren't the things you need to hear right now. Sometimes in the midst of the hurt and heartache, you just need someone to sit down with you in it and say, “Yeah, this sucks.” Because it does! But it won’t always. And that is the piece I need you to hang onto out of all of this. If you take away one thing from this tiny bit of advice from a stranger, let it be, it won’t always suck, but it’s okay to feel like it does right now.

Second, every breakup is hard, but it’s always harder when you were bestfriends, because then you feel like you’re losing both your boyfriend and your best bud. BUT, I do think that it can oftentimes be really healthy for relationships that you grow up in to come to a close when you’re young. It can be so hard to see the bigger picture when you’re in the middle of the relationship, and sometimes when you grow up with someone in a relationship, you end up stunting each others growth without even noticing. You just get so comfortable with each other and attached, and you can miss opportunities that will challenge you and stretch you! I think that’s probably what he meant by “you deserve better”. At least I think that’s all you should take from it. Don’t pull his words to pieces, don’t overanalyze. Either way, I think you should approach this wobbly and painful season as a gift. Look at it as an opportunity to dive into who you are and who you want to be! Sometimes hard seasons are the reset that a human heart needs. And in the meantime, cry when you need to! Talk to your friends and your family a ton! Pour yourself into things that you really love! Talk to God! I believe in you.

With Love,

Kath