I just came across your blog/writing and truthfully your words make my heart feel something, like every feeling I have not been able to put into words has come to life. So thank you. I love to write as well and reading your words truly inspire me to write down every word, poem, or idea that pops into my head.
I am a freshman in college, but honestly do not feel happy here. I feel stuck, like my creativity is being put into a box. I also feel stuck in my faith as well, as if freedom with God is on the other side of all this fear I'm feeling. On top of that, my parents are going through a divorce. I have become a sad, bitter, lonely, angry person, someone that truly isn't who I am. I have an amazing boyfriend who is loving me through all of this, but somedays I feel so unworthy of his (and His) love because I can't love him back when my heart is shattered into a million pieces.
I always think about leaving school, going to do my own thing. But the opinions of others weigh my heart down. I can't help but think about all of the things my parents will say, how blessed I am to go to school and how I shouldn't let go of my scholarship, how I'm ruining my life. I love my parents but I know there's more to life than sitting in my room doing homework all day.
How do I find freedom? freedom from people's opinion, freedom from this world, freedom with Jesus? How do I find confidence, bravery? I know I'll never have it all figured out, but I know that there a beautiful life filled of wonder is mine for the taking.
Thanks a million <3
lil stuck girl
Lil stuck gal,
First, you are a pure ray of sunshine, thank you for your kind, kind words! Second, stuck is the lousiest thing to feel. I’m there with you. There’s nothing small talk pretty about being stuck, about sitting down at a table with someone and saying, “I don’t feel certain about anything.” Let me be the first to tell you, you are not alone.
I do not want to downplay your pain, or brush past any of the things you are going through - becasue those things and those feelings, they are VALID. But I do need you to know that no part of you is obligated to sit and drown in them. You are bigger than them. And here’s the thing, God is sitting next to you, hands stretched out, desiring to hold those things for you. You are not meant to hold them all on your own.
This is the suckiest thing to hear when all you want is a concrete answer, but, truthfully, the only way through is through. The only way to be brave is to be brave. You find freedom when you tear the bottoms of your feet off of the glue keeping them on the ground, and take small step after small step. You have that courage in you, dear girl.