i love your words & mind so i thought i'd come to you with this. i was dating my best friend for about 3 years and i poured my entire heart and soul into him. however i still kept a balance with my love life with jesus, friends, and family as well. however, it was really unhealthy and me being a crazy optimistic, only expected things to get better ( month after month after month) and i could fix everything on my own. oh how wrong i was. i am known to be an extremely joyful person, like it scares people sometimes haha. anyway when the relationship began to make me more bitter & sad the boy kept threatening to leave me , whenever i told him how i was feeling. fake playing happy is so draining but i didn't want to lose him. about a month ago i did, we broke up, and i know i know i know it's for the better- he really wasn't the one and i deserve so much more...but i can't help but feel angry and bitter towards him and his parents (long story) but anyway, i hate it. i hate being angry and bitter and it's so foreign to me and suddenly now i have all this drama in my life and i've been taking it out on people close to me. i know it's wrong, i hate it. but i don't know what to do!!!!
i keep praying and reading scripture and talking to mentors but this has rooted in me and it's causing me to hate my no longer boyfriend and making me angry at people connected to the situation.
please please help, i want to be truly joyful again. ),:
Hey my girl,
Gosh. Heart rooted ache is the hardest to summarize in words. I am so proud of you for doing such a beautiful job of it. The simple fact that you are able to vocalize how you were feeling, how you got to where you’re feeling right now, and how you want to feel is SO GOOD, and so healthy for your heart. I want you to know that letting yourself feel the pain is really important. You need to feel it. God is doing some really special work through it.
There is no magic arrangement of words that makes any of this anger or bitterness go away. The only thing that will make any of it dissipate is the posture of your heart, and the most challenging, unapproachable, foreign word for us humans; forgiveness. You’ve got to forgive him, girl. You’ve got to forgive his family. And you’ve got to forgive yourself.
I can’t tell you much, but I can tell you that you will feel joy again. And you will feel it even bigger and louder than before.