I had a realization last night... I had a friend who was really hurting and I really felt deeply led to help him. Out of his hurt he was really emotionally aggressive and almost abusive and Its been almost a year since I've seen him and months since we have talked. It still hurts me a lot, and last night I had a realization as to why. I did everything I could to be obedient to God and love "the unlovable" but somehow it never crossed my mind that he wouldn't love me/care about me back. :( How the heck do I heal from this? It still feels so raw and it makes me feel crazy when I know he's in town. I don't regret pouring myself out like a drink offering for him but man do I hate what he did to me and how long it has taken me to open myself up like I did for him for others now. I feel like damaged goods.
First and foremost I need you to repeat after me: You. Are. Not. Damaged. Goods. One more time, You. Are. Not. Damaged. Goods. You are one of Gods flashlights. As followers of Him, we are called to bring his light to the darkness of the world and the people with lost hearts. However, it is not our job to transform them. And that is so hard to swallow sometimes, especially when it’s someone we care so deeply about who is in deep pain and we want to take that away. But it’s not our job to decide the direction they end up going. What we can do is show up, set God in front of them and walk away, but what happens after that is up to God.
You have been given a special gift of empathy. It’s one of the most valuable things you can embody but it’s heavy to carry around. It’s no small responsibility caring for other peoples hearts more than you care for your own, you end up lugging around everyones messes without a second thought, not to mention still trying to carry your own.
I need you to believe that you simply being in this persons life showed them Jesus, whether he tangibly believes that or not. Through interactions with you, through you caring for him when he refused to be cared for, he encountered Jesus. No matter what happens now, please just know that you gave him that.