Validation

Hi Kath! I'm so excited to be writing to you. I feel like I kind of know you - eeep! Writing is cool that way. I stumbled upon your Instagram and have been following for a while. Thank you for being authentic, being yourself, and sharing it with the world. Reading your words has helped me start to find my voice in this quarter life post college identity crisis. You're awesome.

The reason I'm writing is because I'd love to hear your advice. One of my deepest struggles is that I never feel good enough. No matter how many times I tell myself, my heart just never believes it. I've realized that growing up, I never felt loved for who I actually am. I felt loved when I acted like the person my parents wanted me to be. I have a nagging sense of shame and I never feel like I measure up. I catch myself constantly acting like the person I think other people want me to be. I'm caught in the lie that I have to choose between being myself and being loved. I crave validation like I crave breathing air.

I ache to be free to be myself - but the thing is, I'm not even sure who I really am. Do you have any advice for me, about how to find my worth and validation within myself? Sending so much love and gratitude.

Signed,

Anonymous

HEY YOU,

Wow. This message makes me so giddy. I love that words have this ability to make us feel together. And they create this passage we can go through to get to know people in a deep, precious way. It can show us things about a person that you may never know by simply talking to them.

Yes. I feel everything that you are explaining so deeply. And I see you. I, too, have been there in your exact spot, searching. My girl, listen to me - You are enough. It could sound like the most cliche thing in the world, but it just is not, because it is so overwhelmingly true.

The really tricky thing about figuring out who you are is that you almost have to drop the concept of it entirely. You cannot allow yourself to be you freely if you are spending so much time searching for what that is. The moments that you are the most purely yourself are the ones in which you’ve completely forgotten about outside influences. The moments you are so immersed in being alive that everything else gets put on pause. My advice would be this, find the things that you really really love, the things that you lose yourself in while you’re doing them, the things that carry you to a new way of being alive. You are the most you when you’re immersed amongst those things, because without even noticing, you let go of doubt, you let go of isolation. And you pick up new pieces of yourself.

One of the most painful things about being human is that we are always going to tune into lies of the enemy. We are always going to perk our ears up when someone tells us we aren’t good enough. It is in our nature, and we simply cannot avoid it. But what we can do is hear them, and choose not to listen. We can always choose to not listen.

So, my girl, in a world that is always going to tell you what to be, turn around and tell them what you are.

Yours Truly,

The Damsel