SOS

My best friend is moving to Hawaii in about 3 weeks. We dated for a month last October and I'm still way into her but she just wants to be friends, even though we were cuddle buddies all the time this summer when we were both lonely. I dont know what to do. Should I do a grand gesture thing? I really dont want her to leave. pretty sure i'm in love with her. But i dont want it to change anything, she and i have had this talk before and every time i bring it up again we go back to being in a bad place. She has a lot of options and really hates that I have feelings for her.

Signed,

Chandler Bing

 

Mr. Bing,

The line between friendship and romance with a guy and a girl is paper thin. As much as I’ve tried to convince myself in the past 21 years that it’s possible for a guy and a girl to be 100% platonic, experience has only proven my theory wrong. It’s so difficult for a guy and a girl to be friends without some sort of feelings forming on one end. Though it is possible in those rare cases, it’s not typically how it winds up. 

I feel for you so deeply, maybe not because I know exactly how it feels to be in your shoes, but because I know just how it feels to be in hers. Sorting through the emotions of being denied is a heavy duty that I don’t wish upon anyone and I am so sorry that you’ve had to carry that weight. Even though it’s hard, put yourself in her shoes and try to see things from her hearts point of view too. If she doesn’t feel that way for you right now, she’s probably feeling heavy too. I’m sure she wants so badly to maintain her friendship with you and keep you in her life, which explains her not wanting you to have feelings for her, because that would make still having you around easier. 

I get that it’s not that simple, but my honest opinion would be, confront your feelings for her, don’t just throw them away and let them fester not dealing with them. But then let them go. If she hasn’t budged yet, she probably won’t, and I wish for you that she would, but you also need to remember that feelings have a mind of their own. She can’t force herself to feel a certain way. Plus, if you held onto your feelings for her and let them grow, sitting around staring at your watch waiting for her to feel the same, that’s not fair to you. And remember, if it’s too hard for you to be just friends with her, don’t feel guilty about cutting her out of your life, even if it’s just a temporary thing. Do what’s healthiest for your heart.

Yours truly, 

The Damsel