How am i supposed to face him?

There's this guy that i have known since i was 12 and he was 24. Now I'm 22 and he is 34. He is married and has two kids. Recently we met up and chatted like old times. When i left he started messaging me. He told me that i make him nervous. I thought he was joking and said, "lol whys that? " He responded with, "because you're so beautiful....and I'm married." The messages continued on from there and we both admitted to feeling a connection but that he was married so nothing could ever come of it. After we stopped messaging i realized how much i truly love him. Now i don't know what to do. I don't want to cut him out of my life completely but i also don't want to stay in love with him if that makes sense.

Signed,

 Elaine

Elaine,

As much as I would like to give you an uncomplicated answer, this is not an uncomplicated situation you’re sittin in. Though I don’t doubt that you love this “man”, I need you to dissect this word; infatuation. There is something so pesky about memories, the way they stay with us but continue to build on top of each other. They start out as something and as time goes on they become more elaborate, we romanticize our nostalgia. And in turn, we begin to romanticize everything about knowing a person. Every interaction, every moment, every emotion.  

There’s something so easy about falling back on a lifelong crush. It’s familiar. You’ve been through all the motions, you’ve doodled their name in your notebook a hundred times, you’ve talked about them at sleepovers, checked their Facebook 15 times a day for the last ten years, they were your first butterflies, first what-ifs, first summer time giddiness. 

But what’s the depth in that? Sure, those feelings are there, but 80% of them have been built up by your own hopeless romantic tendencies. Sure, this guy has known you most of your life, but he doesn’t really know you, nor is he gentle with your feelings like true love should be, if he was he would not be putting you in this situation, Elaine. It’s completely and unforgivably wrong for him to even be entertaining these thoughts with you, whether he decided to act upon them or not. He is married and has CHILDREN. 

My dear, you’re in a sticky situation that’s painfully simple to unstick. Tell him see ya later. There are infinitely better things ahead of you. Just think, if you can love the wrong man so much, imagine how much you’re going to love the right one. The one that knows you for your entirety, who knows your quirks and your strangest inner thoughts. You won’t have to romanticize him, because he’ll just be that good already. Wait for him, my love. Do yourself a favor, lift yourself up and out of this mess.

Yours truly,

The Damsel